Silent Refuge (cont'd)

I got up after that first blog and swept the floor. I didn’t know what else to do. Normally or routinely I turn on the television or check my Blackberry for FB postings. As I swept I tried to think about what I should be thinking about. I got nothing. Then the word “honesty’ came to mind. Oh, Lord, pleeease don’t make me think about honesty and my lack thereof. Maybe not honesty so much but integrity. Yes, integrity. I definitely lack integrity. Landmark defines integrity as “creating a relationship to word as the source of designing a life of workability, freedom, and possibility.” Ok, more simply stated, integrity is “a state of being whole and complete; honoring your word as yourself.” I didn’t finish the Integrity Seminar so I'm not aware of the work they have you do to come true to that struggle. It was during the summer and I was more committed to my travel. Perhaps I can return his summer? I’m supposed to go to the Bahamas but I’m finding now that I don’t want to go. I want to be alone. And see this is what happens: I tell people I’m going to do stuff and then I renege. I plan to do things with people and then I find or come up with some excuse or lie (if we’re really going to be honest here) as to why I can’t make it. Or I just don’t follow through. And this isn’t just with people; I renege on commitments and plans to myself as well. I lack integrity! I don’t honor my word! There! I said it. . . or rather thought it outloud! Does the scripture, “In as much as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, you have done it unto me.” apply here? OMG!! Am I not integris with God???

Then, just as I thought that now would be a good time for a minor distraction—a little t.v. or a quick look at Facebook to help me "think through" this--the Holy Spirit laid this thought on me: "What is there to "think through"? YOU LACK INTEGRITY!! It is what it is! Now, invent for yourself the possibility of living integris."

Its times like this you just gotta love God!

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