JaniceOmega!

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Alhambra by way of Long Beach, California, United States
About me: Everyday I am evolving, everyday growing, trying to conquer the fears that keep me from embracing the unlimited possibilities. I am working at creating a loving relationship with myself, making no apologies for who I was or who I am becoming. This is my life outloud.

Saturday, July 2, 2011

NO MORE REPLAYS

I can't try to duplicate or repeat what was with the same affect. From here on out, I will embrace each day with its new message and lessons all of its own. A discovery of its own. I will treat each day as a new day. A new day to learn, grow, discover, create, imagine, dream, love, appreciate, and. . . embrace. A new day to "be" me. .. wholly and completely. Fear free, doubt free, complication free, drama free... It sounds like something you just do naturally but I'm learning I have to think "new" for "new" to exist.

I will see the beauty, the beauty of God in everything. I will worship Him for everything. . .new miracles, new relationships. . ."heavenly places, heavenly places" as Jason Upton would put it. Just NO MORE REPLAYS. No more going back trying to capture or recapture something that was. It's a new day. And Imma embrace IT.

FLYYYYY. . . just, FLYYYYY. . .

"Time to spread out your wings and. . . flyyyyyy." Jason Upton's "Fly" has been my daily worship for the past couple of days. His high pitched voice worships from a place that is accompanied by angels in "heavenly places. . . heavenly places". I love the song. It's keeping me in "this place" that has me focused on what I want and what I need to do. It's a spiritual place on auto-pilot, one that maintains conversation with God while the flesh functions in its day to day operations. I can't leave this place. I can't go back. And I've been "here" before but this time I'm cognizant of the process and I must follow through. Stay committed. Embrace it tighter and tighter. Hunger for it (the outcome) more than anything else. "Gotta have new ears, new ears. . .what are you doing, where are you going, . . . God wants to take you to new places, new places, new revelation, new perspective. .. ariel view. . . God has given you the air, so. . . flyyyyyy."

I'm in Chicago on the first leg of summer vacation. It's not the same as summer 2009. Summer 2009 served its purpose. I'm past it. I realize I created space for this summer in an effort to "repeat" summer 2009. It can't be repeated. There was an anointing on that summer for things to take place to catapult me to the next phase and beyond. "New places. . .new places. . . " It's time to fly and soar and breathe the air God has given me with a new set of lungs! I'm ready.

Sunday, April 10, 2011

Sunday, April 11, 2011, 6:12 a.m.

A friend told me that "Sometimes we start swinging and there ain't even a fight going on." So true. Sometimes we can be so paranoid or rather insecure that we're quick to defend and throw punches that are unwarranted. I'm learning to clarify by asking people what they mean by their statements. And most times it's nothing near what I was thinking they meant. I was making up stuff. . . the worse stuff. Why do I do that and where did I get that from? What's worse, is I'll try to convince someone that they meant something other than what they told me!! I won't believe them and I'll say things like, "I know you really meant such in such, you just don't want to tell me." or even worse "I can tell you're lying!" People HATE being called a liar, ESPECIALLY when they're telling the truth. I know I do. I'm working on trusting what people tell me to be true. I'm learning that it hurts people when I don't. It shouldn't be until I've learned that they have indeed lied that I not trust them. I think alot.

Saturday, April 9, 2011

Catchin' Up

In the words of Marvin Gaye: "What's goin' on. . . what's goin' on. . . It's been a cool minute since I've celebrated life on this page. Let's see. . .I'm still teaching at Poly; next school year will mark my 10th year! (uh oh!!) A week ago I retured to school to clear my credential as an education specialist and get a master's in teaching with a specialization in special education. It's an on-line program with National University. If all goes well, I'll qualify for the teach grant and finish the program owing nothing. Well, I'll owe the loan money that I'll use for personal stuff, but that won't be much. It's only 10 classes so my plan is to be done next year. I'm back at Zoe Christian Fellowship, a little over a year now. That's going well. Regardless of all that has gone on and knowing I could be somewhere else that's "better", Zoe is where I'm supposed to be right now. How long? I'm not questioning it. I'm just gonna be where I'm at until it changes. In February, I met a dude through a "mutual friend". (We met on the Internet on one of those "meetpeople" sites and because the friendship was so immediate, we're saying we met via a mutual friend. . . God!). He lives in another state, he's 7 years older (but looks a little older), he's a minister, he makes me laugh and treats me good. I visited him last month for 3 days; we had a great time. He took me to hear the cool jazz sounds of Branford Marsalis and Terence Blanchard Marcelis, we went to the movies to see "Paul", we attended church, hung out laughing and talking and eating and just having a good time. He's flying me out to visit him again at the end of this month. He likes me more than I like him. . . right now anyway. One day at a time; I just want to enjoy the present. I don't want to mess things up but thinking about where things might go or can't go or won't go. . .I just want to enjoy right now. Right now is good. Really, good. So yeah. . .

I want to start blogging again. . .I've been journaling consistently since November. Everyday, up at 4:30, pen in hand. So maybe I can add some of those thoughts here. One thing that's been disturbing me lately is how we are seemingly taking God's grace for granted. We seem to be living our lives under the umbrella of "God loves us" thereby giving ourselves permission to be and do "us". I think we're crossing the lines. I'm speaking specifically of a friend. I questioned an area of his life and he told me "children are corrected; adults are convicted by the Holy Spirit". Well that shut my mouth, and led to number 31 of "50 Things I know for Sure": What the Holy Spirit convicts ME of may not necessary bring conviction in the lives of others. STAY IN YOUR LANE!

I'm out.