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I’m feeling at peace this evening. . .I cooked a meal, t.v.’s off, responding to a few text messages, sipping some ginger tea, thankful, happy, full, my soul is quiet/calm—at rest . . . I am home—within—on the inside.  I am home.  (Big exhale. . .)

My Bad

I thought he wanted the same thing. He made me believe he wanted the same thing, or maybe I wanted to believe he wanted the same thing. Really, Janice?? There were signs from the very beginning!! Signs showing that he did not fit the profile of my “lovemate”. Yet I pushed forward –out of eagerness and anxiousness (if that’s a word)—I pushed forward hoping that he was the one. How easily I fell back into my same old ways—seeing every man with the right height, build, and with a job as a potential mate. (shake my head. . .) And I attached myself so quickly because I thought. . . I let my spiritual radar down long enough to reason. And now my heart is sad and my feelings are hurt and my list of grief and shame goes on and on, but why give it any more energy than I already have. (shake my head. .. ) I really thought he was going to be the one.

I believe God allows things to happen to see if we really mean what we say and pray for. This experience was one of those things that needed to happen I guess. I need to get back to The Garden, my place of refuge, and lick my wound with forgiveness and love until a scab appears. *sigh*