Getting all the "ugggg" out!

. . . and so I am sitting here at 11:39 p.m. on Sunday night after a long day without electricity, thinking about how good it was that I didn't have electricity because I was able to do some things and think about some things that I wouldn't have had the television been available.  And one thing for certain is that if "life" is going to happen, it's up to me to see to it happening.  The problem is I just don't know where to begin.  I feel "locked up".  I just noticed my closet.  May I should start with the clothes in my closet.  Throw or give them all away and start over.  Just start over.  Cause that's what I really want to do. . . I want to just start over!! What exactly that means or what it will entail, I don't know.  Maybe I need a life coach.  But I don't wanna pay anyone to tell me what I need to do; I want to somehow come to the agreement myself.  If I had my way and weren't afraid, I would pack up and leave NOW!  Right now.  I'd leave behind all the shit that don't matter cause it really don't matter!! And I would drive until I came to a place. . . no, I would drive until I arrived at Sacramento State University and I would go inside and tell them I need work and want to enroll in school.  And they would ask me where I was from and I would say Colorado.  And they would say, "what brings you to california?" and I would tell them that that I've heard so much about california and the warm weather that I thought it would be a great place to start over.  LOL!!  Crazy talk.  I don't know. . .I'm tripping now.  I'm shutting down because now I'm trippin.  But I'm so serious. .. and this conversation ain't over. . .