My Bad

I thought he wanted the same thing. He made me believe he wanted the same thing, or maybe I wanted to believe he wanted the same thing. Really, Janice?? There were signs from the very beginning!! Signs showing that he did not fit the profile of my “lovemate”. Yet I pushed forward –out of eagerness and anxiousness (if that’s a word)—I pushed forward hoping that he was the one. How easily I fell back into my same old ways—seeing every man with the right height, build, and with a job as a potential mate. (shake my head. . .) And I attached myself so quickly because I thought. . . I let my spiritual radar down long enough to reason. And now my heart is sad and my feelings are hurt and my list of grief and shame goes on and on, but why give it any more energy than I already have. (shake my head. .. ) I really thought he was going to be the one.

I believe God allows things to happen to see if we really mean what we say and pray for. This experience was one of those things that needed to happen I guess. I need to get back to The Garden, my place of refuge, and lick my wound with forgiveness and love until a scab appears. *sigh*

Nothing Left Undone

About 30 minutes ago, it dawned on me that I didn’t say my vows last night!! I was in distress about it! So I decided to stand on the porch and just say them outloud into the universe. Then I decided to put my dress back on and stand on the porch and say them outloud. That turned into taking the decorated mirror outside, putting on lipstick, calling Lionell and asking him to “come right now” to take a picture of me saying my vows. He didn’t know why he was coming, he just willingly came. Not only did he take the picture that captured the pure essence of last night’s ceremony, he videotaped it!!! I asked MyLove, “why was I allowed to go without saying my vows last night? People should have heard my vows!” The vows are for me, not “the people”. Had I said them last night I wouldn’t have had the need to say them today and the picture and moment would have gone unrealized. Today was raw and in the moment; a true and authentic declaration to yourself and the universe. And it has now been established.

MyLove has established so much in the universe to be poured out on me. I declare and decree this day that my heart is open to receive it. I am open to receive all of it. His miracles--demonstrative of His love--will overwhelm me. I'm looking forward--heart and eyes wide open!

I's Married Now!

Last night I wed MYSELF in loving matrimony. It was such a beautiful thing! I was surrounded by about 40 family and friends who witnessed me enter into loving covenant with God and myself—promising to love myself as myself in all of my fabulousness! I know 99.9% of the people were there out of curiosity. But they were there!! And all of them were a part of that moment. I’m asking MyLove for the words and adjectives to describe last night’s ceremony. . .I can’t find words to do it justice. When I placed the ring on my finger I felt empowered! I felt MyLove’s approval! It was an extraordinary evening that has marked a defining moment for me. A paradigm shift. I am so looking forward to MyLove showing me how to love myself, cause I don’t have a clue! And maybe that’s where He wants me, cause then I can stay out of the box with my demonstration of it.

I'm so happy in love right now!